Just let me die!
by daniel radcliffe
Summary: AV:Set at the end of the triwizard tournement the events of fifth and sixth year never happened Harry is taken by Voldemort and the world around him shatters. Will Harry ever be the same? M rating due to implied rape
1. prologue

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter then I would be J.K. Rowling but since it isn't then I am just going to have to continue putting up disclaimers wont I. - note there will be some text from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire used in this story, some of which may be altered slightly.

**Just Let Me Die**

**Prologue**

"Cedric I know this place."

"What Harry?"

"I know this place. Cedric we need to get out of AGH!"

"Harry, what's wrong?" Cedric asked running over to Harry.

"Cedric go, leave, get out of here. Now. AGH! T…t…take the portkey and g…go!"

"I'm not leaving you Harry. Come on get up" Cedric replied trying to pull Harry up but Harry just fell back down in agony. A door behind them opened and a short man carrying a small bundle stepped out into the moonlight. It was full tonight.

"Cedric just go."

"Harry…what?"

"GO!" Harry yelled in frustration, the pain in his scar intensifying.

"I'll be back."

"GO!" Cedric took one last look at Harry before grabbing hold of the cup and disappearing. Harry felt himself being lifted and thrown against a gravestone that promptly imprisoned him.

"Crucio!" Pain engulfed Harry again as this time millions of blinding hot daggers attacked his skin from the inside. Harry felt his knees give way and ended up leaning heavily on the gravestone for support.

The spell ended and Harry opened his eyes, in time to see Wormtail drop the bundle into a cauldron that had not been there before.

Wormtail was speaking. His voice shook, he seemed frightened beyond his wits. He raised his wand, closed his eyes, and spoke into the night.

"Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son!" From beneath Harry's feet the remains of the graves occupant rose and fell softly into the cauldron. And now Wormtail was whimpering. He pulled a long, thin, shining silver dagger from inside his robes. His voice broke into petrified sobs.

"Flesh-of the servant-w-willingly given-you will-revive-your master." Wormtail raised the dagger over his four-fingered hand and pulled it down over the cauldron. Wormtail was gasping and moaning with agony. Not until Harry felt Wormtail's anguished breath on his face did he realise that he had shut his eyes in terror, and Wormtail was right in front of him.

"B-blood of the enemy…forcibly taken…you will…resurrect your foe." Harry felt a sharp cut on his right arm, Wormtail held the knife up to it so that the blood would trickle onto it. He walked back to the cauldron and dropped the blood into it. Harry felt sick to the bone and the pain in his scar was steadily increasing, within a matter of minutes Lord Voldemort had risen again.

"Robe me, Wormtail." Wormtail rushed to give his master his robes and wand. "Thirteen years of waiting. I am a patient man, I patiently waited for my chance to return. Now I have, that patience has run out. Crucio!"

Harry gritted his teeth together as the daggers attacked again, and he resisted the scream building at the back of his throat.

"Did you like that Harry," Voldemort asked him. "Do you feel the pain of fear? You fear me don't you Harry. Yes. You fear me. I haven't been able to come near you let alone touch you since your birth, your mother and Dumbledore's protection had stopped that. But their not here, are they Harry? So what are you going to do about that? Wormtail your arm."

"Yes master." Wormtail scuttled over towards Voldemort holding out the bleeding stump of an arm.

"Not that one you fool!" Voldemort yelled towards the quivering man beside him, before pushing the stump away and grabbing his left arm. Peeling back the left sleeve of Wormtail's robe, he uncovered a skull tattoo with a snake for a tongue. Voldemort touched it and it turned pitch black.

--------------------------------------------**Meanwhile----------------------------------------------**

Cedric landed in the space between the stands and maze, he fell to his knees and was sick. Dumbledore rushed up beside him whilst cheers erupted from the stands.

"Cedric are you all right. What's wrong?" Dumbledore asked him.

"Cup was a portkey…took me and Harry to a gravesite…"

"Where's Harry?" Dumbledore quickly interrupted seeing that Harry wasn't with him. The stands went silent after seeing Dumbledore's face pale quickly.

"He's still there…There was a man there to…He attacked Harry but I was already going before I could stop him…Oh god…Oh god no…I shouldn't have left him." Cedric told Dumbledore before being sick again.

"SEVERUS! ALASTOR! " Dumbledore shouted into the crowd, his face showing a mixture of anger and urgency.

"Yes headmaster?" Snape replied coming towards the headmaster with Moody coming up behind him.

"Come with me, Harry's in danger." and with that the three teachers took hold of the cup and port keyed out of Hogwarts towards the graveyard, leaving McGonagall in charge of the now frantic students.

----------------------------------------**Back at the graveyard------------------------------------**

The three teachers port keyed in to the graveyard in time to see Harry hit with another Crucio, whilst Voldemort and a few of his Death Eaters laughed at his pain.

"Dumbledore, how nice of you to join us." Voldemort turned around to see Dumbledore, Snape and Moody watching them with disgust and remorse for Harry. "Me and Harry were just having a chat about you. Weren't we Harry? Yes we were talking about how so far in his weak and useless life I have not once been able to touch him. I believe you know why don't you Dumbledore." Voldemort spat his name before turning towards Harry again. "Ah but now I'm back, and I can finally touch him cant I? I wonder what your going to do to try and save Harry."

"Let him go Tom." Dumbledore spoke fiercely.

"Why? Frightened that I'll touch him? Well let me ease that thought of yours." He reached over to Harry's scar and placed a long finger onto in turning it blood red. Harry's scream tore through the night and made the teachers sick to their stomachs. After Voldemort removed the finger Harry fainted the pain being to much for the fourteen year old to handle.

"Pathetic, child. Unable to withstand a simple light dose of pain." Voldemort spoke to his Death Eaters, who chuckled. "Did you enjoy that Dumbledore? Was that enough of a demonstration For you? Now I would stay longer but we need to get Mr Potter here to his new accommodations. Crouch." Voldemort spoke to Moody. "Come with me." and Moody changed and walked over towards Voldemort losing his magical eye and wooden leg at the same time. By the time he had reached Voldemort the effects of a polyjuice potion had worn off and Barty Crouch Junior stood in front of them. Dumbledore and Snape were frozen in shock, which was rare for them. There was nothing they could do to save Harry without endangering themselves or Harry. They had to let Voldemort take him and pray that Harry would be ok until they found him. Once Voldemort and his death eaters had disappeared they broke out of their reverie and took the port key back to Hogwarts. Tonight was going to be a long night.

A/N: ok I know that Dumbledore and Snape may have seemed slightly out of character but they will be back on form in the next chapter I promise. So what do you think? Review and tell me!


	2. setting the scene for whats to come

Disclaimer: all I want for Christmas is to own Harry Potter

A/N: ok here's the next chapter back by popular demand sooner than even I expected, thank you to my reviewers I would name you but I read somewhere on this site that you were not allowed to do that so I shall just thank you all as a whole. Enjoy!

**Chapter One**

Three years had past since that faithful night where the wizarding world saw their young hero stripped away from them into the hands of He-who-must-not-be-named. Three years since the screams and tears of all those that had been at the maze's entrance had tore through the night. Three years since Harry was proclaimed dead and the world plunged into darkness. The real Moody had been found and was now working side by side with Dumbledore fighting against the growing forces of the Death eaters; Cedric could now be found in St Mungos, suffering from severe shock and unable to speak; and Harry's closest friends should have been in their final year of Hogwarts, but they had been captured two years after Harry and had also been declared dead. Three years was a long time for an old man like the headmaster and it showed. His once long silver hair was now short and non-existent. His eyes once sparkling were now dimmed and faded like there was nobody really there. He was the one to start the opposition, the one to recall the order of the phoenix. The Order of the phoenix, an organisation run by Dumbledore to fight against the forces of evil, which was right now Voldemort.

Harry's kidnapper had taken his stronghold right at the centre of the Ministry of Magic which had fallen within a year of his return. With the wizarding world now living in fear most had turned to Dumbledore and Hogwarts for sanctuary to find that they were turned away due to overcrowding. Hogwarts now only taught skills that were necessary to fighting e.g.-healing, defence against the dark arts and potions still run by Professor Snape who had turned spy for the war effort although he had not been allowed into the inner circle. If he had been he would have found that Harry although weak was very much alive.

For the last three years Harry had been locked up in a room with no windows, or doors that he could see. Everything around him was white with no break you couldn't even see where the four walls that he had to stare at every day joined up. He had tried to cut himself and paint the walls but there was nothing in the room and his nails had been torn off, and a charm placed upon them to prevent his nails ever growing again. If you looked into his eyes you would have seen nothing but grey, his glasses gone and long since destroyed he had strained his eyes too much and had now gone blind. With no sight, nothing to hear and constant abuse Harry had quickly become insane, he never saw nor felt Voldemort rip through his virginity raping him in front of his inner circle and their slaves. Raping him until he bled. Raping him until could be raped no more.

Hermione faired little better, being a mudblood she should have been killed but because she was Potter's friend she was kept alive to serve Malfoy as both his slave and his sex toy. She was forced to offer snacks at important gatherings dressed in little more than a small fitting maids costume, forbidden from wearing any form of underwear to protect her privacy. Being so vulnerable she was often subject to sexual assaults and often used by lower rank death eaters who came up behind her when she bent to offer food and rammed into her forcefully. She could do nothing more than let them finish because if she ever protested then she would be punished far worse. Her mind had not yet broken, it refused to, it had just become obedient all the while searching for a way out. She had been one of those forced to watch Voldemort rape Harry whilst at the same time Malfoy was raping her. Her pain was not as bad as what Harry was going through but she could feel it.

Ron was better off out of the three. He was just locked in the dungeons with little food and water. Made to live in his own filth. His hair was no longer Weasley red it was black, soot and dirt soiling it and dying it. He was raped a lot of the time and beaten up so badly that he had become paralysed from the bottom down. He knew that Hermione was here but he had only seen her once since they were brought in. He had no idea that Harry was alive but he never gave up hope that one day he would find him. Ron was mostly left alone, useless and nothing but a waste the only thing keeping him alive was his relationship with the 'great' Harry Potter.

Three years had past since Harry Potter had been kidnapped. Three long years. With their saviour supposedly dead, the wizarding world held little hope of ever winning this war. But deep within the depths of Harry's broken mind, Hermione's sheltered one to Ron's weak and tired one, there was a scream.

A/N: ok yeah I know its very descriptive but I wanted to set the scene and I was watching an episode of 7th Heaven at the same time so shrugs I'm sorry but next chapter I will get back to the plot I just hope this makes sense if it doesn't let me know by reviewing!!J


	3. getting out

A/N: Ok I know its been a while but my mind hasn't been able to bring itself to work on this or any of my other fics, but that should change now because I plan to update a lot during this holiday period because I have already finished all of my homework (and I've only been out of college 2 days!!!) so enjoy this chap and I'll try to get another fic up soon!!!!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of its characters are not mine they are somebody else's I have however asked for it in my Christmas list so hopefully father Christmas will bring it to me

**Chapter Two**

Three years had past since Harry Potter had been kidnapped. Three long years. With their saviour supposedly dead, the wizarding world held little hope of ever winning this war. But deep within the depths of Harry's broken mind, Hermione's sheltered one to Ron's weak and tired one, there was a scream.

The Hermione and Ron's prisons were close by each other, the only thing that stood between them besides thick stone walls was a guards room, that housed top death eaters who were proven to be both trustworthy and strong. It was in this room however that the scream came from. It came from Malfoy junior as he was killed by a simple bullet to his head. Being a muggle weapon it was unstoppable by any form of spell, it was as deadly as the killing curse.

It was this scream that caused Hermione to wake from her reverie and she ran over to the bolted door to see what was wrong, but of course it was locked and she was unable to get out. Whilst attempting to open it she found herself thrown backwards hitting the opposing wall hard, all she saw was a tall dark robed man enter her room before she blacked out.

After levitating Hermione into a sack, the tall man left her room and headed down the corridor to the other side of the guards room. Upon entering it he saw a line of cells each housing old worthless men and women, there was only one exception to this and he was in a cell at the end. Ron looked up as he saw a robed man unlock the door to his cage and throw in some robes.

"Put these on," He whispered, "Quickly! Before we are caught"

"I cant…I'm paralysed." Ron replied pointing to the rest of his body.

"I don't have time for this…Stupefy!" Pointing his wand at Ron and watching as the young man slipped into unconsciousness. After levitating Ron into the same sack as Hermione and shrinking it the robed man walked swiftly out of the cell block, down the corridor up 3 flights of stairs and out of the front door and through the ground gates without any death eater blinking an eye. Upon reaching the edge of the apparation boundaries he apparated into a small kitchen full of red headed people and a few older men and women. He took off his mask and took out the sack that he had placed Ron and Hermione in, unshrinking it.

"Madam Pomfrey could you please take these two to the infirmary please and give them a check over before awakening them. Thank you."

"Yes headmaster." She answered and took the sack with her as she left the room.

"Well?" The oldest red headed woman asked the headmaster. "Are they alright?"

"Molly, from what I saw both Ron and Hermione are alright if not a bit worse for wear. They are safe and sound now, they're home."

"And Harry?" Said the youngest girl of the group who also sported red hair.

"I did not see him, or hear anything about him whilst I was at Voldemorts castle. I am afraid there is no proof that Harry is anything but what we have believed for the last three years. We will just have to accept that he's gone and that we will never see him again. I am so sorry Ginny." He said as she run out of the room in tears. "Ginny!"

"Leave her Albus. She had all her hopes that you would find him alive. She never stopped believing that he was alive. Not once. She loves him, and its because of that that her hope will never fade. It's not your fault, you did your best."

"I know, I just wish that there is some way that he can still be alive."

"We all do Albus. We all do."

**----Meanwhile----**

Harry lay on the white floor blankly staring up at the ceiling, that was if it was a ceiling it could have been the other side of the room meaning that he was leaning against a wall, but deep in his mind he didn't see any of the whiteness that surrounded him, he only saw darkness and more darkness, the scream from earlier wrapped around him like a rope and all he could hear was that scream. Being insane meant that he had no thoughts, he was as good as dead but still breathing. He paid no attention to who the scream might've belonged he just heard it, and heard it and heard it. He didn't hear someone enter his room. He didn't feel someone lift him up and carry him down the hall and down the stairs. He didn't even feel the tightness of apparation as his body was squeezed through thin air he didn't even feel the warmth of the bed he was laid on. His body was ice cold and his ear drums were burst. Lack of use, and lack of need had caused them to build up with was and the scream had intruded violently into his ears, making them burst like a bubble. Malfoy's scream was the last thing that Harry would ever hear.

A/N: ok i feel i may need to explain something here, Dumbledores robes were not death eater robes thats why Ron trusted him and told him that he couldnt move, also i know its unusual for Dumbledore to kill anyone but he needed to in this situation in order to stop the alarm being raised and him being captured. other than that any other queries you may have please just review and ask me:D


	4. die

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I own nothing…I own nothing that's right nothing at allll…

A/N: sorry for the long break between last chapter and this chapter, I am trying to update quicker I really am.

**Chapter Three**

Harry had been reported missing to Voldemort within an hour of his escape and needless to say he was furious. He had immediately ordered his return dead or alive and he blamed it on Dumbledore. Several death eaters lost their lives to his fury whilst the disappearance of Hermione and Ron was barely noticed. Malfoy received no funeral Voldemort lit him up in flames before chucking his ashes out of the window.

Dumbledore treated the lack of extra death eater activity with extreme caution and stopped all unnecessary outings out of Grimmauld place. Hermione and Ron were according to Madame Pomfrey 'recovering nicely' but no one except her and Dumbledore had seen them. Hermione had not spoken since she had woken up of her experiences to anyone and instead had bottled up her emotions. It saddened Dumbledore that she had been through such torment that she could not talk to him.

Hermione had only spoken to make sure her friends were ok but that was when Madame Pomfrey had woken her…

"_Wha…where am I?"_

"_You have been rescued and are currently in a room at Grimmauld place. Can you remember anything that happened to you?"_

"_Partly, how did I get here?"_

"_Professor Dumbledore saved you and your friend Mr Weasley."_

"_Okay then."_

"_How do you feel?"_

"_Tired."_

"_Well I need to go check on Mr Weasley so you can have a little nap I'll be back to check on you later."_

"_Ok then." Hermione answered turning over painfully onto her side and closing her eyes. "Wait!" She sat bolt upright ignoring the pain that shot through her like a bullet._

"_Yes?" Madame Pomfrey queried._

"_Harry! Where's Harry?" _

"_We…we didn't find him." She replied resignedly._

"_What!…No!"_

"_I'm sorry Miss Granger, we have no choice but to presume that he is de…"_

"_NO! He is alive, I've seen him."_

"_What?"_

"_Whilst I was there I saw him."_

"_When?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Wait a minute I'll go fetch Dumbledore." and she left the room hurriedly leaving Hermione to ponder on the fate of her best friend._

In her mind she kept repeating the last time she saw Harry, he was being carried away by a couple death eaters, and he was barely breathing.

Ron on the other hand, had begun to recover from his paralysis after Madame Pomfrey had healed it with magic. But he still had to regain full control over his limbs. His pain had subsided but without any people he felt he could talk to he bottled up like Hermione with one exception-he still had more of an appetite than her.

Harry still lay on the bed that he had been placed in, and somewhere within the black of his mind he realised he was safe but he was too far gone to realise that he could come back. His rescuer regularly fed him, washed him and changed his clothes. He cared for Harry very gently but firmly. It wasn't until a month of this caring that he was rewarded for his troubles. Whilst he was changing Harry's clothes, Harry whispered his first word in years.

"Kill…"

"What did they do to you Harry? What did they do?" The tall man said to the small man in his arms as a small tear ran down his cheek.

A/N: there you go an info chapter next chapter will have some action in it I swear… well for now review and let me know who you think Harry's rescuer is.


	5. Arrivals

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except everything I own of cource

A/N: thank you very much to those who reviewed (you know who you are!) I promised a fast update and so here is an update (not very fast but never mind) so here you go enjoy and review!!!!

_Harry still lay on the bed that he had been placed in, and somewhere within the black of his mind he realised he was safe but he was too far gone to realise that he could come back. His rescuer regularly fed him, washed him and changed his clothes. He cared for Harry very gently but firmly. It wasn't until a month of this caring that he was rewarded for his troubles. Whilst he was changing Harry's clothes, Harry whispered his first word in years._

"_Kill…"_

"_What did they do to you Harry? What did they do?" The tall man said to the small man in his arms as a small tear ran down his cheek._

**Chapter four: Arrivals**

"Members of the order, I would like to welcome both Miss Granger and Mr Weasley back with us today." the group applauded politely but Ron and Hermione heard none of it they were too focussed on what Dumbledore was saying. "Now we have recently heard news from a reliable source that young Mr Potter is alive." the group began to whisper amongst themselves. Seeing this Dumbledore held up his hands to silence them. "and he has also been rescued from Voldemorts clutches. Now due to the severity of the situation Harry will remain with them until a time where it will become necessary for him to join us in the war effort." the whisperings started up again although they were slightly louder and more cheerful. "Now moving along. Alastor what can you tell us about the death eaters."

Mad-eye moody stood up to address the group. "since Grangers and Weasley's escape Voldemort has put all of his Death Eaters on red alert. They now patrol more thoroughly and in larger numbers. It is now more difficult to get into his complex and virtually impossible to get anywhere near it without being spotted. Attacks on muggles have also been on the increase. It appears that Voldemort is trying to vent out his frustrations. Several wizarding families have also been murdered. The Smithe's, Walcott's and Tracy's were all found dead in their respective homes between the 13th and 17th with the dark mark hovering above them."

"thank you. Remus could you give us an update on the Were pack."

"Yes sir. It appears that the Werewolves have officially decided to side with Voldemort and there has been an increase in Werewolf related deaths. We estimate that approximately 35 more Werewolves have been made, alongside with 109 deaths. One Werewolf has been captured and subsequently shot with a silver bullet. There is nothing else to report."

"Thank you Remus and Alastor. It seems like we will all have to be on higher guard, all of your homes have been placed under the fiddilus charm but I recommend that you stay with another order member if you live alone. Try to avoid known Death Eater areas and remain on your guard at all times. If you see something suspicious report it immediately and then wait for further instructions or back-up. Meeting adjourned." and Dumbledore stood up and made his way upstairs with Hermione, Ron, Madame Pomfrey and Professor Mcgonnagal following behind him. They arrived at the top of the house and silently Dumbledore placed a silence charm around the room.

"Right now Harry will be arriving in a couple of minutes Via portkey that is set for this room. You two will be in charge of looking after him. His arrival has to be kept a secret at all times, is that understood?"

"yes sir." Ron and Hermione chorused.

"Minerva you are to ensure that no one knows of his whereabouts and you are also to ensure that he is protected 110. Poppy please ensure that he receives your usual excellent medical care and that any potions that he is required to take are taken. Now they should be arriving in 5...4...3...2...1..." They turned around in time to see a large bulky man land in the centre of the room carrying a small and thin man and lay him down on the bed. Almost immediately Madame Pomfrey ran over to him and began running diagnostic checks with her wand, and tutting frequently under her breath.

"Your verdict Poppy?"

"He is suffering from severe malnutrition and dehydration. He has several broken bones and most if not all of his bones in his right foot have been crushed. He is Deaf, blind and there is the possibility of mental illness though I cannot determine that fully until I have run some more extensive checks. There is severe bruising in the abdominal area and all of his nails have been pulled out and are showing signs of severe infection. There are scars on his left arm but they are very week and show possible signs of self harm. There is also evidence of internal bleeding and possible bruising." Madame Pomfrey finished standing up straight and looking at Harry with tears in his eyes.

"How long has he been like this?" Dumbledore asked swiftly."

"it's impossible to say but judging by the bruising I would say approximately 5-6 months if not longer."

"Can he hear us?" Ron asked fearfully.

"No. He is in a coma and he is deaf. He might know that we're here but as I said before I do not know his mental state as this moment in time. Hagrid what did you do with him when you got him safely out."

"I put him to bed and fed him what I could liquid foods, I washed him and I changed his clothes."

"What did you do with the clothes that he was originally wearing?"

"I kept them, there in this bag."

"Right I see. Thank you Hagrid for getting him out."

"it wasn't me that saved him, it was Snape. I just took him off Snapes hands and looked after him."

"but Snapes dead!"

"no he isn't he went into hiding so no one could find him."

"Albus!" Madame Pomfrey said urgently.

"Yes?!"

"He's gone into heart failure!"

A/N: and that is where I shall leave it, aren't I cruel…he he. Well I bet you didn't realise that it was Hagrid now did you? The clue was _'The tall man said to the small man' _Snape and Sirius aren't that tall and Remus is only just taller than Harry so they couldn't have been the tall man. Well I hope you enjoyed this little chapter there will be more soon but please be aware that I am doing my A levels right now and so will need to put more effort into work than this. Anyways Review and tell me what you think!


	6. they are not children anymore

Disclaimer: I own my nails, my shoes oh and the plot but nothing else other wise I would own a lot more than what I do…you know like a Ferrari.

A/N: ok sorry for the long lapse of time, A levels kind of jumped me and now I have spent the last month and four days had to do about 3 pieces of chemistry coursework, revise, do homework, translate Chaucer and revise as well as watch football and find time in my day to irritate the arsenal fans at sixth form and insist that we will win the premiership even though we are second place to man u…there are only three points in it…but you don't want to hear about me ramble on about football…did you?

**Chapter five: They are not children anymore**

"…we commit our brother to the ground and ask that you look over him and keep him safe in the afterlife. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Amen."

A small group of robed wizards encircled a grave where a small casket was being lowered into the ground by means of a levitation charm, it was deathly silent. The only sounds were that of a phoenix singing farewell to the head of a powerful family. The funeral had been one of intense grief and emotion and filled close friends of the family that had come to pay their respects to the Andy Walcott. The private funeral had been guarded by several members of the order of the phoenix due to the nature of the Walcott's deaths, thankfully their assistance had not been needed. When Mcgonnagal had returned to Grimmauld place from the funeral she found Dumbledore sitting in the kitchen staring at her gravely.

"Albus, what's wrong?"

Saying nothing he swiftly got up and walked out of the room indicating that she should follow him. He lead her to Harry's room in the attic and silently entered holding the door open for her. She entered to find things much the same as when she had left them last night when Harry had been placed on life support, with one exception, his eyes were open.

"how?"

"Madame Pomfrey managed to save his eyes and ears although we don't know for certain that he can hear or see us yet. It appears that he was locked in a white room with no way to tell if he was staring at the walls, ceiling or floor, the lights over the period of time he was trapped there for had slowly destroyed his eyesight that was already damaged from lack of glasses, they were smashed." he added seeing Mcgonnagal's questioning glance.

"and his ears?"

"they were destroyed by a high decibel noise that had intruded into his cage. It would appear that the room was high pressured and deathly silent that not even a movement that he made would made a sound. His hearing was destroyed by a sound that would have been just above normal for our range of hearing. But Poppy has hopefully managed to fix the problem."

"So he is awake?"

"No," He replied solemnly. "Poppy found traces of blood and semen on his clothes, it appears that he has been raped severely by more than one person, add that to the visions of Voldemorts attacks…"

"He still had to suffer through them."

"there is no doubt, Minerva. The raping, the visions and the white cage it appears that young Mr Potter is now insane and catatonic. He will do anything he is told to do but he will have no knowledge of what he is doing and will not be able to do anything involving magic or speaking. He could kill himself if he was told to. He could jump off a cliff with a single order"

"Do Hermione and Ron know?"

"Yes, they were here when he was diagnosed, I ordered them to bed. They were here all night by his side watching as Madame Pomfrey healed as many of his wounds as she could."

"Oh god, those poor children."

"they are not children anymore, they've been through things similar to Harry and they have had to grow up fast, too fast. But they are children no longer."

His words held frozen in the air as Mcgonnagal let them sink in. No they weren't children anymore, they'd lost out to childhood thanks to he-who-must-not-be-named. He had stolen a lot of things lives, money but he should never have been able to steal a childhood. And this made her angrier than anyone had ever seen her.

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After they had been ordered to bed Hermione and Ron had left and went to sit in Ron's room silently. Not once did they ever mention anything that they had heard, not once did they talk about their ordeal, not once did they look each other in the eye. They sat in silence staring at the floor. Twelve hours later they were still sitting there until Hermione finally broke. Sobs escaped her closed lips and refused to stop until she was crying into Ron's shoulder and screaming out "why?" Her years in Voldemorts fortress had taken their toll on her and Harry's insanity had toppled her over the edge. She could take no more. Seeing Hermione release her anguish had sent Ron crying as well. He had been through less than Harry and Hermione but seeing his best friend laying their on that bed not knowing anything about what was happening to him and then seeing his crush break down in front of him brought tears to his eyes and noiselessly he cried into her now long and flat hair. They sat and held each other until they mutually agreed to see Harry again. With sober faces they left Ron's room after twenty hours of sitting still and crying.

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Deep within the depths of Harry's broken mind Dumbledore's conversation with Mcgonnagal mixed with Malfoy's scream and swirled around his mind again and again.

…_destroyed by a high decibel noise…could kill himself…AAAAAGGGGGHHHH…_

_Ron and Hermione know…raped…insane…jump off a cliff…white cage…visions of Voldemorts attacks…kill himself…catatonic…fix the problem…blood…not children anymore…jump off a cliff…kill…oh god…AAAAAGGGGGHHHH…the raping…insane…destroyed…pressurised…Ron and Hermione…kill himself…how…jump off a cliff…kill himself…how…jump off a cliff…kill…kill…cliff…_

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Ron and Hermione entered Harry's room to find Mcgonnagal and Dumbledore sitting by Harry's ever still ever silent body, a pin dropped could have split the silence in two. Every one was silent and mournful. AS they moved to their respective seats next to Harry's bed a single sound escaped Harry's lips. He didn't move a muscle he only whispered a single word that caused the rooms other occupants to look at each with fear and worry. His whisper cut through the silence and raised alarm bells in everyone's mind.

"OK."

A/N: ok there you go chapter five is up and running, but what about Harry, can he ever recover and come back to his friends or will he retreat further into his mind? Review!!!!!!!!!!


	7. Memories and potions

Disclaimer: I own everything…you don't recognise

A/N: well here you go the next chapter, my exams are finished now so hopefully I will be able to update more often. please note there will be a few flashbacks in this chapter and later chapters. There will be no warning except for the change of writing_ it will be in italics like this. _Harry's mind will be written in **bold like this.** ok got that good. Enjoy.

**Warning: there is a reason for the M rating of this story please do not read if you do not like male on male sex/rape **

**Chapter Six: Memories and potions**

"Professor?" Hermione asked timidly from the doorway of the kitchen.

"Yes Ms Granger?" He replied tiredly not even moving from his position at the head of the table, not even to glance in her direction to acknowledge her.

"I…I've been doing some research sir. In the library. Sir, I found a potion that may help Harry." Dumbledore sighed and then surveyed her over his spectacles, his customary twinkle was gone.

"The sanctrium curium I presume you are talking about."

"Yes sir, I think it could really help Harry." He sighed again before leaning back in his tired wooden chair that looked to be on it's last legs.

"That Ms Granger I have no doubt of, but the fact of the matter is when Alexis Sanctrium invented this potion he left it in the care of one Claudius Galen and so as I'm sure you know all of his work was destroyed during the renaissance bar a few pieces. Unfortunately this potion was not one of those lucky few pieces and so is completely useless to us in Harry's case." he waved her off moving forward in his chair to emphasise his frustration that a cure could not be found for his adopted grandson.

"But sir…there is an American that claims that he has found and tested it. If we could just talk to him and find out the truth then…"

"…then maybe he will be a death eater who will subsequently tell Voldemort Harry's whereabouts and we would lose him again." He interrupted her swiftly. "Ms Granger I know you are concerned for Harry's health especially considering recent developments but you cannot rush into things without fully considering the consequences. Now please go back to Harry and…keep an eye on him. There will be an order meeting tonight at eight, I expect you and Mr Weasley to be there." and he went back to his original position when she had entered the room, and promptly ignoring her.

"Yes sir." she whispered before following his instructions. "oh, and sir."

"Yes." he answered tonelessly.

"It's not your fault."

"what's not my fault?"

"Harry, sir. There was nothing you could have done to save him at that graveyard." and she left the room promptly leaving the tired headmaster to dwell on his thoughts.

"I wish that were true Ms Granger, but there is always something I could have done. Always."

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"_Call me Hagrid, everyone does.__"_

"_did we introduce ourselves? Fred and George Weasley. And this is Ron, our brother.__"_

"_I__'__ve learnt all our set books off by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough - I__'__m Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?__"_

"_My names Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.__"_

**Should****'****ve taken his hand, wouldn****'****t be here now, would have been great, would not have to jump**

"Professor, what's happening to him? Why wont he wake up?"

"Miss Granger, it seems that his mental state is as we feared, he may never wake up, we can only wait to see what will happen, tell me miss Granger what was he like the last time you saw him?"

"Well…"

"_Potter, you have defied me for the last time, now you will learn to regret not ever not joining me when I offered you the chance, No one refuses me.__"__ Voldemort spat at the small boy who was lying in a foetal position at his feet. __"__Get up. GET UP!__"__ he repeated causing the boy to curl up tighter. With a flick of a hand Voldemort had Harry up in the air choking. __"__you obey my orders or face the consequences!__"__ and he threw him onto a conjured metal table in front of the entire inner circle of death eaters. Hermione looked on indifferently whilst her insides were screaming at them to stop. She felt a tug from behind her_

"Have you told anyone about this?"

"No Professor."

"Right well I will have to inform Poppy about this, I'll be right back."

"Oh Harry," once Mcgonnagal had left. "What did they do to you?"

"_you are a worthless little whore, What are you?"_

"_No…no!" Harry moaned on the floor whilst Voldemort stood above him tall and proud. He had been taken from the graveyard a month previous and had since then been subject to a mixture of torture and snide remarks, but Voldemort was going easy on him, or at least he was until the death eater meeting a week ago. He remembered pain and blood and death. He had been pushed onto a cold hard metal table naked. Voldemort was behind him talking to his followers, his herd, his dogs if you will. He vaguely remembered laughter before a searing pain ripped through his backside as Voldemort rammed himself into him tearing away his virginity, destroying his life; before he lost consciousness and his world went red._

_He had woken up in a white room, he had never been there before and it seemed he would never leave there again because there was no doors or windows, and seemingly not even walls just white. But he was taken out of there once a day to be Voldemorts victim, his fuck. That's where he was now in Voldemorts private quarters, lying on the floor stark naked, whilst Voldemort taunted him._

"_You are a little, pathetic whore. You should be lying rotting in your grave but instead you not. Why because you're the boy who bloody-wont-die. But listen to this Harry Potter." He spat. "I might not be able to kill you until I know the prophecy, but that doesn't mean I cant make you go absolutely insane, now, does it. Crucio."_

"_AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Harry screamed, his body on fire, his voice going hoarse from screaming. Hope was beginning to slip away from him fast. At the time he couldn't hear what Voldemort was saying, but now he could hear him as clear as day._

"_I'm going to make you so insane that you will do my bidding and then in front of all your friends kill yourself"…"kill yourself"…"kill yourself"…"kill yourself"…"jump off a bridge"…"kill yourself"…"worthless little whore"…"Jump"…_

**If I jump it all ends…if I stay it continues…Voldemort will win…win what?…I don't know but he will win…if I don't die he will kill my friends…what friends?…I don't know…do I have friends?…where are they…are they dead…what if he attacks Hermy-own?**

Harry sat bolt upright in bed green eyes wide open staring straight into Hermione's brown ones.

"NO!"

A/N: Mwa ha ha ha ha, how cruel am I to leave it right there…he he he he he. Well what is happening to Harry, will he kill himself or will he fight his mind on the road to recovery? Do you think he can ever recover or if Dumbledore will ever forgive himself for letting Harry be kidnapped? Let me know what you think by pressing that small button below that says 'go' next to the writing that says 'submit review'…go on you know you want to.


	8. Breaking

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter or Warner Bros. Or Bloomsbury so a) don't sue, B) don't sue and C) don't sue comprende?

A/N: I'm back! Hoping your all well and ready to review. well enjoy.

**Chapter Seven: Breaking**

For three days Harry sat bolt upright, eyes wide open, rocking back and forth whispering "No" over and over dusk until dawn and all through the day. No one knew how to help him, he was trapped in his own world and nothing but memories existed, nothing they said could get through. His friends could do nothing but sit by and watch their friend fall deeper into darkness whilst they themselves lost all hope and fell into a silent seclusion. They were at breaking point. Nothing madam Pomfrey could do or say would move them from his side. Albus stood at the door watching the heartbroken teens live break into a million pieces. He walked away from the scene and entered the makeshift office on the level below where Smethwyck was waiting.

"Smethwyck please tell me you bring good news." the old man said whilst sitting down behind his desk.

"Yes sir, I have gone through the Americans notes and tested the ready made samples that he had there."

"that's what took you so long then?"

"Yes sir, I had to stay there a week in order to get a more accurate result."

"and…"

"The Alexis Sanctrium should work."

"Should?"

"It depends on how far into his mind that he has gone. If he has gone too far there will never be any hope in retrieving him."

"We have to hope that he can be saved then." The frail headmaster sighed heavily and looked out of the window that was to the side of his desk. "How long until the potion will be ready?"

"According to the American it should take a month to brew."

"A month!"

"Yes."

"Well then you had better start working on it."

"I already have sir, I started it the moment I got back."

"Thank you Smethwyck."

"Your welcome Professor."

"I have told you before I am not your professor any more so there is no need to call me professor it's Albus."

"Ok then Albus but if that is the case then you must call me Hippocrates."

"Deal." The two gentleman allowed themselves a small smile before the situation caught up on them again and they nodded politely to each other and Smethwyck exited the room leaving Albus to his thoughts.

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**Angry faces surrounded him shouting curses, evil stares in the hallways, people darting around him as he moved.**

"**They all hate you, you know. They all wish you dead."**

"**Harry, Harry can you hear me?"**

"**They all think you are a waste of space!"**

"**Harry, come back to us please!"**

"**Why live if they don't want you?"**

**Looking from side to side, memory to memory as if he were in the middle of a cube. Where all the sides were TV screens and this was his life.**

_**A flash of green light and a maniacal laugh, the darkness of a cupboard and**__**the shouting of his aunt "Up, get up. NOW!" Walking in to Kings Cross Station and seeing the Weasley's for the first time. Seeing Hogwarts come out from under the bridge whilst they were on the boats for the first time. The three headed dog, Snapes limp and playing Quidditch for the first time. Winning the house cup for Gryffindor and then going back to the Dursleys before being taken to the Weasley's Burrow and fed like a king. The blood on the wall and then Hermione being petrified. The chamber of secrets and Ginny lying near-dead on the floor. Hate, Hate all hate. All stares and all hate. The grim in the alleyway and the three decker bus. Big round glasses and predictions of death. Sirius, Remus and the rat, the marauders reunited after 12 long years. The Quidditch world cup and the death eaters. The Triwizard cup meets the forth contestant. **__**Beauxbatons, Durmstrang and Hogwarts. Dragons, me people and mazes. Cedrics body lying untouched on the ground of a graveyard. Voldemort being reborn. Haters, traitors, users. They only want you to die for them after you've won for them. Dumbledore, Snape and Moody rushing to his aid, their shocked faces as he succumbed to darkness. They don't care about you. They were too late to save you!**_

"**See them, they've forgotten you. They don't want you there. Why don't you just die!"**

"**leave…me…alone"**

"**Why should I? I'm the only one here who talks to you."**

"**Get…Out…Of…My…Head!"**

"**Err…let me think about that for a second…NO!"**

"**Why…are…you…doing…this…to…me?"**

"**Because POTTER you need to realise that it is pointless trying to fight me, I WILL WIN and there is nothing that you can do about it. You will die soon. Did you know that. You will die painfully and horribly and by the time they bury you your body won't be recognisable."**

"**Then kill me now and get it over with."**

"**What no fight, Where is your Gryffindor spirit? I want to see your mind break into a million peaces before I kill you. Your body's already gone all that's left is this. Can you hear them?"**

"**Harry, please answer. Wake up!"**

"**They want you back so they can use you again to fight a war that you have already lost. Your nothing but a tool to them. So why fight it? Give yourself to me!"**

**Red eyes flashed in front of his green eyes and strong hands grasped his feeble weak ones. And pushed him against the side of the cube. There was no escape. Even inside his mind Voldemort held all the cards. Even inside his own mind he could not escape rape. Even inside his own mind he screamed.**

And The whole Order heard him.

A/N: I'm back and with this lovely new chapter this one virtually wrote itself I wasn't intending to write half of what I did write but I think it ended rather well. Now its up to you again because I was so kind to update even though I'm not fully recovered I will leave it up to you to decide if I should write the rape scene or not. It is up to you, all you have to do is review! And if you want to tell me what you thought of this chapter with some friendly critical analysis if you feel like it. :D


	9. Rape

Disclaimer: I do not own by any means or circumstances Harry Potter or any of its affiliates…sigh

A/N: Ok a grand total of…Wait for it…1 person reviewed to tell me whether or not they wanted me to write the rape scene therefore I will follow that reviewer's wishes and write it. Thank you to all my reviewers I do try to reply to your reviews when I can so If didn't then my sincerest apologies.

**PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN RAPE **

**Chapter Eight: Rape**

Harry's scream echoed throughout the halls of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place leaving the occupants of the kitchen in shock. They had never heard a scream filled with such fear and terror and helplessness, not even the active members of the Order who stopped Death Eater raids and cleaned up the mess left behind. Not even the few healers among them had heard a scream with such pain. A scream that tore at the soul and brought tears to the eyes of even the fiercest of hard nuts. A scream that no one should have to scream. But the question flying through the minds of the Order was not why, but who? They ran has a herd up the old creaking staircase, they ran towards the scream. They ran up two flights of stairs before they were stopped by an unforeseen barrier that prevented them from going up the final flight of stairs. The final flight of stairs that led to Sirius's old room. The final flight of stairs that led to the screamer.

"Dumbledore!" Moody shouted out, limping his way over to Dumbledores office, and charging in without a care in the world. "Dumbledore! What the hell is going on!"

Dumbledore looked up shocked, his eyes showed signs of tiredness and also sadness. He sighed when he saw the crowd that had gathered inside the small room and out in the hallway.

"Why can't we go upstairs?" Moody's question was met with agreement from several others behind him and Albus knew there was no was of avoiding the answer without a serious uproar. He had checked and double checked everyone in the order, no one except for the spies he had were Death Eaters, but none of his spies were here. Dumbledore knew that they would find out eventually, there was a reason that they were the best, an elite if you will.

"Because Harry is up there…"

"What?" Moody's shock spread throughout the order and several found themselves needed to sit down or else they would fall down. "here?…upstairs? But…but how? When?"

"He has been upstairs for a couple of weeks, he was rescued a few weeks ago shortly after Hermione and Ron were."

"Show us." Moody demanded standing up again and moving towards the blocked stairway. "Take us to him!" Dumbledore glanced around at the group that had gathered and saw the unwavering agreement amongst them all. He sighed and got up slowly.

"Okay then, follow me." He led them back to the stairway to the screams that were still there although they were distorted by the invisible barrier. With a wave of his aged hand he lowered the barrier and the screams became worse. Much worse. Many of the Order had to cover there ears. Dumbledore grimaced and walked up the stairs, each step bringing and them closer to the screaming. As the group reached the landing that led to Sirius's old room two more screams were added to Harry's.

"Please Harry! Wake up!

"Hold him still!"

Hearing this the majority of the Order began to panic and burst into the room to find Ron and Hermione screaming at a small boy in the middle of a huge bed. A small boy that Madame Pomfrey was currently trying to hold down with the use of leather restrainers. A small boy that had a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead and was screaming blue murder.

"No!" Mrs Weasley whispered, suddenly very glad that she had let Ginny go to Nevilles home for the week. No one noticed, they were all in silent shock themselves. Staring at the small boy that was once the great Harry Potter. The boy who lived.

"**See look at that they want me to do this. See they are binding you up ready for me to take as I wish. See these binds, they will stop you from resisting me. This is what your friends have given you to help you, instead they are helping me."**

"**No…No…please…please no!" Harry began panicking even more than he already had and was desperately trying to tear the binds away from his prison wall. With little success.**

"**Stop this nonsense now. Give yourself to me!" **

**Voldemort pushed Harry back onto the ground and held Harry's feeble arms above his head effectively stopping them from moving before straddling his legs. Harry was beyond fear now. There was no escape now, Voldemort was going to rape him in his own mind and there was nowhere for him to run and hide. Voldemort leers over his weak body and smirks at his prey.**

"**You are mine!" Using one of his hands to keep Harry's hands above his head he uses his spare hand to rip away Harry's top and trace his ice cold fingers along the lines made by his ribs. Unable to resist he locks his fingers around a belt that was the only thing stopping him from ripping off Harrys trousers. "Hmm, how to remove this? Lets see what about if I do this." He unclipped the buckle and tore the belt from Harry's jeans, before using this new freedom to push his hands down into Harry's jeans and clasp his cock roughly. "Do you like this Potter? Do you want more?" Harry whimpered and unwanted tears began to be shed. He continued to struggle but the fight was slowly being lost as he lost both his jeans and boxers. And felt Lord Voldemorts covered erection pressed against his naked thigh.**

"**No…please…NO!"**

Shock wearing off Dumbledore, Moody, Remus and Mr Weasley and a few others ran forward to help hold down the boy they each held dearly in their hearts. Hermione was losing the resolve to help Harry as she burst into tears at the heartbreaking pleads that her best friend was screaming. A pair of hands gently pulled her away and held her tightly. Harry's eyes were open and shedding a sea of tears, and he was still valiantly struggling against the hands that were holding him down. Madame Pomfrey, who had ran to the sideboard when the others had moved into help hold him down, now returned with a syringe filled with a muggle sedative. Taking the arm that was held firmly down by Moody she injected into his bloodstream and watched as Harry lost all control of movement and fell still. His eyes were still open and crying openly, unseeing of his surroundings for he was still stuck within his own mind. Only a few whispers of words were escaping his ajar mouth.

**The sedative took control in his mind as well as he found himself trapped and unable to move, Voldemort still straddling his legs and toying with his limp cock.**

"**Remind me to thank your friends later, they are really helping me out here. See what they've done. Look at them!" H pointed to the screens that surrounded them and the faces of Dumbledore, Remus, Mr Weasley, Madame Pomfrey and Ron appeared on the screen there faces showing there exhaustion. Voldemort removed his hand from Harry's arms and laughed as he feebly tried to move them. "You are even more helpless than I had hoped. There was a time when all I could dream about was being able to touch you and cause a world of pain unimaginable to the likes of your pathetic mind. But I never would have dreamed that I would be able to do this to your body let alone your own mind." He unzipped his trousers and freed his aching cock from its confines. "Do you remember this Potter? Do you remember the feeling of this cock tearing through you and devouring your virginity?" A vague memory long forgotten appeared on one of the screens that Harry had been staring at, and he remembered.**

"_**My loyal Death Eaters, today I have a treat for you all. Today you will get to see Harry Potter break under me, completely defenceless. And if I feel generous I will let you have a try as well!" A table was pushed through the throng of Death Eaters and on it lay a completely naked and bound Harry James Potter. "Ah Potter so good of you to join us." When the table had reached its position it was magically locked and Voldemort grabbed Harrys feet and dragged him to the edge. He roughly and abruptly turned him over so that his legs were hanging over the edge and his ass was up in the air level with Voldemorts crotch. Harry was unbound now and was struggling against Voldemorts vice like grip around his waist and two of the Death Eaters that had grabbed his arms preventing him from striking Voldemort. "Any last words Potter?"**_

"_**Get bent!" Laughter echoed around the room. Voldemort leant close to Harry and whispered into his ears. "Never!" Harry struggled even harder as he felt the bulge hidden behind Voldemorts cloak. **_

_**Voldemort used one of his hands to keep Harry's waist still whilst he freed his huge cock and aimed the tip of it directly into Harry's virginal hole and then shoved it hard into it tearing the skin and making Harry scream.**_

**The screen returned back to the faces of the order as Voldemort freed his cock once again and pushed Harrys powerless legs up into the air uncovering Harry's no longer virginal hole. He looked into Harry's tear stricken eyes, as Harry stared up into the eyes of his friends. Voldemort placed his cock at the entrance and placed his hands either side of Harry's small frame. He pushed himself in dry, into Harrys tight hole, filling it beyond capacity and making old tears reopen and forming new tears. Using the blood as a lubricant he pulled himself out and rammed himself once again into his torn hole. Again and again, the tightness causing pleasure to build up inside Voldemort's warped mind. Every time he was entered his body slid backwards. Legs still in the air he was pushed into the wall and his head hit it again and again as Voldemorts pace increased, smashing his skull into pieces. The pain in his scar was worse than ever before, it had started to bleed profusely and his vision began to swim. The faces on the T.V. screen began to swim as well as Voldemorts face. The world around him began to turn black and he lost consciousness as Voldemort found his release, still pleading for help. **

"No, Please…Somebody help me…please…"

Harry's pleads were quiet but still heard. Hermione's legs faltered and Molly found herself trying to hold the both of them up.

"Help him please! Somebody HELP HIM!"

A/N: Well there you have it the rape scene, this is the first full rape scene that I have ever written so I would really appreciate some comments. What did you think of it? Could it be improved some way? Oh and also what do you think will happen to Harry now? Will he go further into his mind than can be reached? Or will he return to his friends from the shock? Let me know! Hope you enjoyed it!


	10. Sanctrium curium

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter that belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers…sadly…

A/N: Ok I am really, really, really sorry, this would have been updated a long time ago had there not been major problems in my life, which I wont get into right now but I do hope you will accept my apologies for the lateness of this chapter.

**Chapter nine: Sanctrium curium**

The screaming lasted for twenty-three days and twenty-three nights. Constantly he screamed and screamed and screamed. His screams echoed around Grimmauld Place from the attic where he lay to the basement where the Order convened in the Kitchen. His scream pierced the hearts of the residents and drove Hermione to the brink of a breakdown until she had to be removed to save her fragile sanity. A silencing spell was placed around Harry to give Grimmauld Places residents some much needed rest, but someone had to be with Harry at all times in case he woke up but by the Twenty-forth day many had given up hope. It was with a tired and weary heart that Albus climbed the stairs to the Attic room holding the potion that they hoped would end the screaming and end the pain, not just for themselves but for Harry as well.

The Sanctrium curium was finally ready to be tried on Harry, the chances of it working was slim but it was the only thing they had. Albus knew that if it didn't work the only option may be to put Harry to sleep, but unlike Sleeping Beauty Harry would never wake up.

He opened the door and walked inside the dark room. The curtains had been drawn tightly shut over the skylight and a small candle was hovering just over Harry's bed, an empty bed. An empty bed in an empty room. Albus pulled back the sheets as if expecting Harry to be hiding under them but there was nothing except a blood stain in the middle of the bed.

Harry was no where to be seen.

"HELP!" Albus bellowed to the residents of Grimmauld place but no one heard him, he was within the silence barrier that he had formed. He lit the room to its fullest extent to open up the corners that could not be seen by the naked eye in the dark room. Empty. He rushed to the stairs and passed the silence barrier. "HELP!" Several footsteps could be heard clambering up the staircase, the hushed chatter of voices in the room adjacent to where he was standing halted and soon a mass of red hair ran out past the doorway to see Dumbledore frantically searching the hallway and staircase.

"Albus? Whats wrong?" A calm, and worried Molly Weasley asked as she reached the old headmaster and held out her hand to touch his shoulder.

"It's Harry…he's…he's gone!"

"What!"

Molly and several others ran past the headmaster and up to Harry's room. Empty. Molly glanced around the room and spotted the window opposite to the door wide open and the net curtains billowing gently out as a light breeze trickled past, she carefully looked out and down to the street below. Void of all human life. She let out a sigh of relief and was about to look back into the now brightly lit room when something whipped past her, narrowly missing her head. Without a second thought she cast the spell to slow its fall to the ground below and ran full pelt down the stairs pushing a startled Dedalus Diggle out of the way and causing Tonks to crash in to the awkward umbrella stand making a racket which awoke the portrait of Mrs Black, much to everyone else's displeasure. She pulled open the door and regardless of safety procedures ran to the pavement where a small heap lay nearly completely unharmed.

"Harry?" Molly gently turned the body over and looked into the dull green eyes of her adopted son. A crowd of order members had gathered behind her as she lifted the small boy from the ground and carried him back inside.

The crowd followed her in formation, as she stepped past the threshold and walked towards the kitchen. Albus joined the mass of people as Molly gently placed Harry onto a seat, still carrying the potion that he had meant to feed to Harry upstairs in his room.

"How is he?" He asked Poppy as she carried out the usual spells to identify possible injuries.

"Physically Albus? He's fine, not a scratch or broken bone on him. Mentally however…" she flashed a light across Harry's eyes and watched at the lack of reaction that his pupils provided. "he is mentally unconscious, it's like his mind is not present. He's a shell."

"Is it too late for the potion?"

"To be honest I don't know. It couldn't hurt to try it, but the results…well…you should prepare yourselves for the worst. There may be no hope of ever retrieving Harry from his own mind."

"We have to try, we cant leave him like this without trying." Tonks spoke up, breaking the groups silence as they watched Poppy check over their saviours body.

"Yes" "We have to try!" "If it cant do any harm!"

"Lets vote, all those in favour of trying the Sanctrium curium say ay?"

"AY!"

Albus nodded and passed the small vial over to the school healer. She gracefully accepted the vial and pulled the cork out, holding the vial to Harrys tinged pink lips she poured the pale green contents into his mouth. "Swallow." Harry swallowed and the order held its breath waiting for the slightest of signs that it may have worked.

Harry's lifeless eyes flickered slightly with something that remained unnoticed to the order, but was catalogued in Albus' brain to look into later.

Minutes passed and no reaction evolved from the use of the Sanctrium curium Albus sighed and indicated that Molly should take him back upstairs, telling her to make sure that the window was tightly shut and unable to be opened without magic. The order filed out of the kitchen leaving Albus alone sitting at the kitchen table in silence.

He stared at his old and wrinkled hands as his hopes diminished, and all of the pent up emotions of the last few years were released in one solid go. Tears leaked, and streamed and poured from his aged eyes. He was left alone as he cried, and wept for the loss of his adopted grandson. He wept for the loss of such a bright and promising light from the world. He wept for the loss of everything that Merlin held dear. He wept, and wept, and wept.

And unbeknownst to them all, Harrys lifeless eyes shined just that tiny bit brighter, in the darkness that was his room.

A/N: Well there you have it! I'm sorry it took this long to update but as I mentioned before, I was unable to. Thank you for reading, now you should review, I will give you a cookie, and then I will get back to writing the next chapter…Till next time…


	11. Sleep

Disclaimer: I own nothing whatsoever…*cries*

A/N: Once again sorry about this, I never mean to be late but I always end up having something take over when I should be writing, like right now I am at uni so my life is taken over by that. I am sorry and please remember whenever I have time I do write it just takes a while to finish it. Oh and if anyone out there knows how to stop my body from breaking please, your suggestions are greatly appreciated.

This chapter is dedicated to all of those who very kindly waited for me to get my act together and write. I love you guys!

**Chapter Ten: Sleep**

Over the next few days the residents of Grimmauld place took turns in watching over Harry. Some spent their time reading books and articles out loud to him, others commented on the state of the wizarding world and others of the muggle world. Some simply talked to him wishing that he would return and others just sat there, watching, observing, waiting.

Hermione, Ron and Ginny all spent exceeding amounts of time with him, often volunteering for the night shift regardless of having done the night shift the night before. Their sleep was tortured with images of Harry writhing and pleading for help, and so night after night and day after day they refused their bodies its much needed sleep. They were exhausted both mentally and physically, resorting to snapping at others when it was suggested they went to bed.

By day 5 Ginny had sobbed herself into hysterics and was gently led away from Harry's room by her mother. Several calming potions and a dreamless sleep potion later she was asleep, oblivious to her surroundings. She was checked periodically by both her mother and Madame Pomphrey, but remained asleep throughout allowing her to recover from the ordeal surrounding Harry.

By day 6 Ron was unable to lift himself out of the chair by Harry's bed. His legs were heavy and his arms weak. He found himself struggling to move his feet and so had to settle for being carried by his father to his bedroom and being put into a deep sleep by Madame Pomphrey, not without protest from him. He attempted to push his father away when he leant down but instead found his arms crossed against him and his legs heaved up. On further examination by the mediwitch the muscles of his legs, body and arms had been used up till exhaustion, his stress levels were high and unless he remained in a healing coma would be unlikely to regain full use of his limbs.

By day 7 Hermione refused all attempts at getting her to follow her friends into and inviting sleep and instead buried herself in books, desperate to help her friend. So desperate that she missed all of the signs that her friend was returning to reality. She read through books on legitimacy, mental distress, comas, healing magic, healing potions, even muggle books on mental and psychological healing. She lived on coffee and the occasional touch of food that Dobby pleaded with her to eat. She never moved from Harry's side and frequently had short abrupt arguments with the other visitor regardless of who it was, claiming that they were breathing too loud or were disturbing her research.

By day 8 Harry was able to hear around him and distinguish between the people who had come to visit him. At one point he had opened his eyes and watched without recognition as Hermione raced through books upon books. For the most part he slept, waking up from a never ending sleep was surprisingly very tiring. However when he did wake he kept his eyes shut, listening to the sounds of those around him and smelling the difference in scents.

By day 9 Hermione had collapsed exhaustion finally claiming her and forcing her to join Ron and Ginny in a healing coma. Molly Weasley now replaced her, choosing to spend her time knitting warm and cosy jumpers for her children, though nobody could presume to call them children anymore. She looked up to check on Harry after finishing a nice bright maroon jumper for Ron, to find Harry's eyes open wide and gazing at her. But something was different, it felt different. His eyes were gazing at her not a point in the distance, his eyes were focussed and there was depth.

"Harry?" She put down her knitting and cautiously moved to his side. "Harry can you hear me?" He blinked slowly and continued to gaze at her. "Harry, can you speak?"

He opened his mouth but nothing came out and it was quickly shut again. "Do you want a drink? Shall I get you some water?" A sharp nod was her reply and with a wave of her wand a glass of water appeared in her hand. She lifted it to Harry's mouth and gradually Harry drank the water down. "Harry I'm going to get Madame Pomphrey ok?"

"N…no!" Harry croaked. "P…p…please d…don't leave me!"

"Harry I'll only be gone a moment, I will be right back I promise."

"P…please…"

"I will be right back." Molly rushed from Harrys side, down the stairs to fetch Poppy leaving the door wide open.

"**Hmmm how nice of her to leave you alone even when you begged her."**

**Shut up**

"**Now that's not nice"**

**Sorry**

"**Not to worry, you can repay me later. Anyways that woman very kindly left the door open for you, lets say we exit the room and go down the hall"**

**Ok**

With a soundless wince Harry pushed himself up from his bed and walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs, reaching a landing.

"**There now that wasn't so hard now was it. Now what is in that room over there?"**

Harry walked to a door at the furthest part of the landing and opened it, completely oblivious to the footsteps behind him. As he entered the candles in the room lit up, illuminating Dumbledores office.

"**Aha, open the drawers lets see what the muggle loving fool keeps in his office."**

Harry began to search, unsure what it was that the dark lord wanted but unwilling to disobey his orders. He didn't even pause in his search when his name was shouted throughout the house. And when he picked up a folder on the possible whereabouts of Voldemorts base he was ignorant of all else as the Dark Lord began to mutter furiously inside his head. This was how Dumbledore found him moments later, it wasn't until Dumbledore laid a hand on his shoulder that the dark lord disappeared and Harry became fully aware of what he was doing.

"Harry? Give that file to me, that's it, give it to me. Harry do you know where you are?" Dumbledore asked kindly as though talking to a young child.

"Y…yes"

"Where are you?"

"Si…Sirius's"

"Yes that's right, now lets get you back to your bed shall we?" the aged professor led Harry back to his room, each step taking just that bit of life from him and by the time Harry reached his bed his eyes returned to the dull green that they had been before.

Poppy ran her scans over him and reported that there had been no change since the last time that she had ran her scans, Harry was a shell of his former self, not there in any way or form.

"But he was there, I spoke to him and he answered, He told me not to leave him. He….he…" Molly stopped unable to finish her sentence. Her hopes that had been raised so high were suddenly crushed so hard to dust.

"I myself spoke to him Poppy are you sure that there is no way he can be there?"

"Albus I do not deny that you and Molly spoke to him and that he was there, but it could very well be that you were talking to a shadow or a fragment of his soul that chose that moment to come to the surface. Albus his mind is shattered, there is nothing there anymore. Harry is gone, if anything comes back now there is no telling what he will be like, and how he will react to others. Let go of that hope Albus, the one where he will return absolutely unscathed and happy. The one where he will return to defeat Voldemort and marry a girl and have lots of children. Let it go before you do more than hurt those around you, you will hurt Harry."

"I cant do that, he will come back to us. Maybe not unscathed but he will come back to us."

"He's sleeping now, I'm going down stairs to check on Hermione, Ron and Ginny. I suggest you both get some sleep as well."

"Molly you go, I'm going to stay up here for a while."

"It's almost time for lunch now anyway. I'll bring you up a sandwich."

"Thank you."

Molly gathered her knitting and left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

"Come back to us Harry, please, come back."

A/N: you didn't think I would keep Harry comatose forever did you? Mwa ha ha ha ha. Reviews are greatly appreciated and encourage me to write…however good health also helps me to write so as i said before, any ideas on how to stop my body falling apart are welcome.


	12. He Cried, She Cried, We Cried

**A/N: **As you may have already guessed, updates to this and all of my fics will be sporadic for the foreseeable future. I did not mean for this to happen but alas I succumbed to the pressures of my course. I am sorry to those of you who have been waiting ever so patiently for an update to this fic it has been in my mind constantly since I last updated anything but I just did not have the time. I will not give up on this story though and I hope that the distance between updates will not put you off reading further. However if you ever feel I have forgotten this story tell me, message me or review or even endlessly poke me until I respond. I will update this story again but for now I have to put my course above all else. I'm sorry.

**Chapter Eleven: He cried, she cried, we cried**

The screens were empty leaving Harry alone in the cold, alone in the deafening silence. Four black walls staring back at him with red eyes.

"**Why did you leave Harry? Why did you return to the darkness?" **A voice whispered breaking the silence without interrupting the suffocating darkness.

"…**.I….I….I don't know"**

"**You prefer it here don't you, you prefer it here in the darkness with me touching you like this…" **An invisible hand fondled his genitalia, encompassing his flesh and awakening nerve endings that were only meant for pleasure not the pain his attacker had manipulated from him.

"**Please don't" **a single tear slipped past his lower eyelid and trailed a familiar path down his cheekbone watched by an attentive Albus.

"Harry? Can you hear me?"

**The worn and gentle voice of his headmaster echoed through his mind like a cascade of thoughts showering through his brain bringing pain and regret with each syllable, that no wishing or wanting could ever remove.**

"**Do you hear that Harry? The muggle loving fool is upset with you…you hid yourself back in your mind, so deep in your mind that you can only be heard and seen by me. And Harry you are all mine!" His tormenter continued his movements and had Harry's mouth lubricating his cock for entry before the headmasters next words reached Harry's subconscious thoughts.**

"Harry please, I know you are there, come back to us, please…come back to us"

**The headmasters sobs ran through him whilst Voldemort proceeded to enter into him and grope him in places hands had never wandered.**

**Harry cried.**

**Again, once again as he had done so many times since this nightmare started, he cried.**

**Cried for the torture, cried for the rape, cried for his friends, cried for his messed up life. He simply cried. Cried for the torture to end, and the hope that one day he may be free.**

With little effort he turned towards the daylight and woke in bed with dark red curtains drawn and the candles lit. The ceiling above him was dark and held traces of damp that had built up over many years. The bed beneath him was soft, with pure white linen mixed in with luxurious red sheets. For a few moments he lay there confused. Memories of the torture that had taken place only moments before collided with the stagnant air of his surroundings outside of his mind.

"Harry?" He turned his head to his left to see his greying professor sitting by his side and a frail hand clasping his.

"Professor" His raspy unused voice replied.

"Harry my boy are you with us?"

"Yes sir, I think so"

"You've given us all such a fright. Do you feel able to move?"

"I…I think so." With small effort Harry sat up in the bed and Dumbledore rearranged the pillows behind him so he could sit up and rest. "Professor?"

"Yes Harry"

"How long have I been here?"

"You have been here for a month and a half."

"And where was I before that?"

Dumbledore paused, his blue eyes shining with worry over half-mooned spectacles surveying the young man that was currently drowning amidst the bed linen.

"Harry what is the last thing u remember? That is what is the last thing u remember after u were taken?"

Harry gazed into his mind ignoring the dark space where his demons laid. Torture. Rape. Tears. Frustration. And a face, a face so cruel, and pale; a face with no nose to speak of, and eyes as red as blood of its victims.

"I remember a room, I think it was a meeting of some kind...and a table with chains of some sort. And Voldemort he he...I'm sorry I can't, not right now" Harry turned to lie on his side wincing at the feel of tight unused muscles hindering his movements.

"Its ok Harry, you don't have to tell us anything right now just rest, I will go get madame pomphrey.

And the voice returned whispering up from the darkness.

**"...and he leaves again...they always leave...you will always be in my grasp...you are forever MINE!"**

"NO!" Please NO NO NO MORE!"

**"You are mine forever in my grasp. No matter how far away you are I OWN YOU!"**

Dumbledore arrived back with madame pomphrey to find Harry rocking back and forth muttering, back and forth tears streaming from wide frightened eyes, back and forth hands tightly grasped around ankles white knuckled nails digging in, back and forth like a swing, back and forth saliva dripping down his chin, dripping then pouring, fast then faster

"No more, no more, no more..."

They stood together in a state of shock tears flowing steadily down old and young cheeks.

"stupefy"

And the rocking stopped but the muttering continued. Mad eyes lay there unmoving, unseeing as the headmaster and the medi-witch approached the bed and she closed his eyelids before casting a medi-scan.

"Headmaster he's getting worse. Whatever hell he has gone through over the last few years…I don't think he will recover from it, and…Albus even if he does his mental state. He's borderline psychotic, leave him alone for a few minutes and his mental could change in an instant! You have to find another hope, leave him in the care of his friends and fight the war another way."

"We can't…"

"Why because of the prophecy? Albus you know as well as I do that prophecies are only valid if the person to which the prophecy is made about actively pursues its completion! Harry is in no fit state to do so, let it go! Continue down this path then you sign his death certificate! He's not the strong capable young boy that entered Hogwarts all those years ago despite the years of neglect and trauma at the hands of his relatives. Let him try to rebuild and reclaim the parts of his life that have been shredded to pieces by those who seek to use his power for their own purposes, and yes I am including you as part of that! Let him heal Albus, please, just let him heal."

"Okay."

And from the corner of Harry's eye a single tear slipped down his cheek and onto the bed sheets.

A/N: Ok short I know! But this means that I can now get onto the finalish part of the story and slowly push you all to the climax of the story which should hopefully be in a few chapters time…it depends on how this story writes itself out. Either way like I said at the top of this chapter I cant update as often as I have in the past, but thankfully my course finishes in a year and 2 months time so I should have A LOT more time to write then. Of course I will still try to update between now and then just hit the follow this story button and then you will receive news of the next update. I would ask for reviews but I have a strange feeling I will get shoes thrown at me….but if you do want to then feel free to attack I know I deserve it for not updating sooner. Love to you all though if your still reading this authors note even though the important information was at the beginning and this is just waffle….


	13. Nausea

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, if I did I would not worry so much about finding a job.

A/N: See end of chapter

**Chapter Twelve: Nausea**

Trapped.

Harry was trapped in the confines of his room, unable to get out change rooms or do anything. Trapped behind a glass window and a wooden door like a mouse in a cage. There was a small bathroom connected to his the only opportunity to change his surroundings, the only opportunity he had to cleanse his body of the horrors that had claimed his soul.

Lonely.

He was terribly lonely. Although he was now able walk around without assistance he was never allowed to be on his own. Madame Pomphrey had insisted that to aid his mental status he should have someone with him at all times. Dumbledore had taken that to mean only adults should cross his path. He had still not seen his friends, although he had been thoroughly assured of their safety.

Three years.

Mrs Weasley had told him that he had spent 3 years in the care of his parents murderer. Yet he was still there. Voldemort still remained in the back of his mind, lying dormant until Harry was left alone again. He hadn't told anyone of the mental rape that he had been going through, reliving and remembering. They already thought him mad anything more and he would be taken to St Mungos boy who lived or not.

Harry wasn't completely without his senses. He was well aware that Voldemort had done far more to Harry than just mental rape, knew that it had also been a physical act that occurred during his incarceration. Just because he had no recollection of the past two years did not mean that nothing had happened, it just meant that his body was present when his mind was elsewhere.

"Harry?" A soft voice pulled him out of his reverie, he was sitting on the floor next to the toilet his head resting on the tiled wall.

"Yes Mrs Weasley?"

"How are you feeling now?"

"The nausea has passed now thank you…guess I'm still not quite used to actually eating food yet."

"It will come back to you, Merlin knows we need to get some food into you. You never did have a filled out frame. Maybe we should add a stomach soother to your potions to help you keep food down?"

"That may be an idea." With help from Mrs Weasley Harry rose to his feet and returned to his cell. "Could we open the window perhaps? It boiling in here. Please?"

"Harry I can't, you know why."

"Mrs Weasley I wasn't in my right mind then. Please this room feels its getting smaller and smaller. Just some fresh air please! Or let me out of this room! Let me sit on the stairs…I promise I wont go any further just some space….please" Harrys panicked voice broke through to her motherly instincts.

"Okay Harry I'll let you out of the room just don't go past the protection enchantments or Albus will have my head."

With a flick of her wand the door opened to reveal the dark and dreary stairwell beyond. Harry inched towards the door, elation building at the sense of freedom that filled him with the simple act. He glanced down the stairs to the landings below and the thin line that told him how far his freedom was extended to. The stale air of his room was replaced by the dusty smell of the house and drunk in the sight of the rooms he had once believed he never wanted to see again. The dark worn wallpaper, to the oak laced with magic table with a candle atop that never went out. The gold dusty frames with magical photographs with people he had never met, and the brown eyes staring back at him from their position by the doorway of a room hidden behind the enchantments with him.

* * *

Exhaustion smothered her body with an ache that the bath she had recently had did nothing to improve. Over the past few days Hermione had gradually recovered from the shock of witnessing the absolute distress of the man whom she had witnessed break at the hands of his torturer.

It was relieving to say the least that the time spent away from Voldemort had allowed Harry's mind to return to them, yet the separation enforced on them by Albus Dumbledore gave nothing to replace the awful images of having to restrain her friend whilst he relived the torture, whilst he begged for an escape. Memories of a happier time where they did not have the threat of Voldemort looming over their existence seemed like memories from a different life, although Harry had never lived without the threat of Voldemort. He had never known what it was like to be free, to be happy, to live. Perhaps he never would, perhaps he would never recover to his original self as she had come to love before his capture. It was with a heavy heart Hermione left her room glancing briefly at the door that hid him, and met his emerald green eyes.

"Harry!"

"Mione." He raised the edges of his mouth slightly in a half-formed smile.

"How have you been?" She moved to the stairs about to climb them when he descended to meet her on the landing.

"Mad apparently, you?"

"Oh you know busy in the library."

The awkwardness held for a few moments whilst they studied the face of the other to assess the damage of the past few years, before Hermione jumped and hugged Harry to within an inch of his life. Tears flowed down pale cheeks as she finally allowed herself to grieve for what she had nearly lost, her best friend.

* * *

Molly separated herself from the two friends giving them some privacy whilst she allowed herself to organise the addition of a potion to stop the nausea that followed every bite of food that Harry ate.

"Poppy, Harry's been sick again is there anything that you can do to prevent him losing everything we give him faster than we can give it to him to begin with?"

"Strange…I already had a few days ago. It should have taken effect by now….unless…"

"Unless what?"

"I think we need to discuss this with Albus, there is something that we are missing but I can't place what. Come on he's in his room."

They climbed the stairs below where Hermione and Harry sat talking and remembering and knocked on Dumbledores door.

"Yes ladies?"

"Albus, Harry has been throwing up for the past week or so now, I added some anti-emetic potions to his collection but to no avail. I thought it may have something to do with his lack of appetite so I also added a hunger inducing potion but again no effect. I am curious if the potion to which you administered to him would have had any effect to his stomach despite the time that has passed since it was taken."

"Curious, I do not believe that vomiting was part of the listed side effects yet it is always a possibility where Harry is concerned. Poppy tell me was there anything from his initial examination that would effect his eating habits?"

"Other than severe malnutrition? No…unless…its incredibly rare there have only been two reported cases in history….although Harry has always been known as someone who can do the impossible on a daily basis."

"What is it?"

"He was raped…"

* * *

Harry and Hermione were sitting quietly on the stairs, not talking, just sitting in each others presence building energy for the road ahead of them. A collection of footsteps brought their attention to the three of the senior members of the Order rushing towards them.

"Harry could you return to your room for a moment, there is something we need to discuss with you in private."

"Sir?"

"Harry please upstairs, Hermione if Harry wishes you can join us as well, in fact I would recommend that you do join us. Shall we?" Dumbledore held out his arm as an invitation to climb the stairs back to Harry's room.

The small bedroom felt crowded with the five of them surrounding the open space.

"Lets sit down. Now it has come to our attention Harry that you have been experiencing some trouble keeping your food down."

"Yes sir, but I thought Mrs Weasley was going to arrange a stomach soother to prevent this."

"Harry a stomach soother was already added to your potions a few days ago and Molly reliably informs me that this has seemingly had no effect."

"So what does that mean then?"

"It means Harry that something else is wrong which we need to address now I have asked Poppy if she would be so kind as to cast a different type of diagnostic charm, one that will provide more information to us about what is going on inside your body, more information than previously supplied by other charms already cast. To do this we will require a couple drops of your blood if you would be so kind." Poppy held out a small glass vial to Harry, who after a couple moments of confusion willingly held out his arm for Madame Pomphrey to cut his skin and heal it to collect the blood required into the vial. Without hesitation she cast her wand over the blood, paused, then watched as the blood turned blue.

"Harry could you lie down on the bed for a moment please."

"Madame Pomphrey why?"

"Please Harry I will explain all in a moment." With a quizzical stare Harry moved over to his bed and lay down. Poppy waved her wand over his abdomen and an image appeared of a tiny ball of cells connected to an unseen source appeared for the room to see. Both Molly and Hermione gasped, Albus bowed his head and Madame Pomphrey with a sigh helped Harry sit back up.

"Harry there is no easy way to tell you this but it would appear that during your incarceration, whether you were aware of this event or not, but you were raped."

With a downward glance Harry replied, "I know. But what does this have to do with anything?"

"Harry, as you know in the wizarding world gay relationships are not as frowned upon as in the muggle world. This in part is due to the fact that two men or two women can after ingesting a specially brewed potion have a child together. Now there have only been two cases reported in history but some gay couples if they come from a powerful magical bloodline can conceive naturally."

"Wait….wait what!" Harry jumped up out of his seat, " Are you telling…I'm not…I can't be!"

"Harry please, sit down, lets discuss this calmly."

"Calmly! CALMLY! You tell me I am pregnant and then you expect me to discuss things quietly! Get out."

"Harry…"

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" The sheer force of Harry's anger forced them all to leave in haste. The door slammed shut leaving the four of them staring at each other.

"Headmaster,"

"Albus, Hermione, I have not been your headmaster for many years now."

"Well Albus what does this mean for Harry? I mean naturally conceived male pregnancies are very dangerous as it is, why can't we terminate the pregnancy?"

"Hermione if we could we would, if it weren't for where the fetus has attached itself to Harry, and how far the pregnancy is already. Hermione, Harry is already 3 months pregnant, wizarding law prohibits abortion after ten week gestation. Even in these circumstances to abort the pregnancy now would jeopardize Harry's life. The fetus is settled onto his lungs. We have no choice but to let the pregnancy continue."

* * *

Harry stared unseeing out of the window, watching drops of rain slide down the glass in silence. In his minds eye he was settled on the image Madame Pomphrey had produced with a simple wave of his wand.

_Where is my wand? Maybe they are to frightened of what I could do with a wand. What am I supposed to do now? Pregnant….pregnant. The expect me to be calm!_

_**They expect you to be their puppet, their pawn in a war they have already lost.**_

_No…please god no I can't do this…_

_**So don't, come back to me and you will never have to face this, come back to me and admit your defeat.**_

_I am not defeated!_

_**Yes you are. You sit here in a cell with a view, only permitted to see only certain people, unable to open a window because of the danger you pose. They don't want you Harry, they want your body. Come to me Harry…**_

A tear mirrored the trail on the window pane down his cheekbone.

"Albus, if I have to do this then you will give me freedom of the house and choice in who I see. If you will not give me that right then I will leave and bid you good day. Your answer?"

"Harry, I can't let you just leave…"

"So your answer is?"

"Harry…"

"Do I stay with freedom of the house or do I leave?"

"You can stay Harry, but why…"

"Thank you good day…"

"What on earth…"

A/N- sorry *winces* I swear every time I look at my e-mails and I see another person has added this to their subscription list I want nothing more than to jump on the computer and start writing, but alas this is actually the first time I have been able to write without feeling excessively guilty for not writing one of my essays. So this is the point where things start to happen and should be more interesting from now on….so thank you if you enjoyed this chapter let me know, if you didn't let me know oh and if you've seen the latest Harry Potter film let me know what you thought because I am just that nosey! Thank you so much for sticking with me I am now 8 weeks away from qualifying as a midwife! J


	14. One Two Three

A/N: finished my degree, getting the writing bug again...a short chapter but enjoy x

**Chapter Thirteen: One...Two...Three**

One...two...three...one...two...three

Steps on the floor, back and forward, back and forward.

One...two...three...one...two...three...four

"He's been doing that for days!"

"I know Hermione; you've had us watching him non-stop since Saturday!"

"But he's in the library! No one goes to the library!"

"You do"

"Oh you know what I mean. This is Harry we are talking about!"

"Yes, Harry. The same Harry who has endured years of abuse at the hands of his parents' murderer. The same Harry who has only recently returned to a state of awareness after a potion to bring him back from insanity. The very same Harry who found out last week that he was PREGNANT! Think Mione, we're not the same people we were before he disappeared, why should he be? Let him come to us."

They sat in the dim lighting of Ron's bedroom. The bed in which Harry used to sleep had been removed long ago, after the memories of the green eyed bespectacled boy had become too much. Right before Ron and Hermione had been kidnapped, before they had gone chasing a lead that would lead them not only to Harry, but to Voldemort himself. Five days ago Hermione had told Ron of their best friend's plight, his pregnancy.

Harry had now reached 18 weeks and his appetite continued to be absent at meals, although his cool and closed demeanour remained pushing those closest farther away. He paced back and forth across the library floor. Rarely speaking except in sharp dismissal, focusing on reading the tomes possessed in the Black family library. Harry's freedom of the house meant that the Order meetings had to be moved for a short period of time, excused as nothing more than disinfestations of several bogarts that had taken up home in the ancient oak cupboards. The only members allowed in were those who knew of Harry's continued existence, this made for a very tense atmosphere in the house.

"Ron what if he's not himself though, what if..."

"Hermione, it's him. Think about it, how would you react if you had just found out that you were pregnant by the guy who raped you. He's a guy, this is totally unexpected for him, and I guess he's just fed up with letting everyone else hold the knowledge about his life."

* * *

One...two...three, drops from a kettle one...two...three. He passed over the cup to his companion.

"Are you quite certain Albus?"

"Yes, I am Minerva. Harry is pregnant and this is what will kill him. I do not believe that even Harry is capable of escaping death three times. We just need to figure out how to finish off Voldemort beforehand."

"Is there no way?"

"The fetus is settled on his stomach, as the fetus grows the space available to his lungs will decrease. Harry will grow weaker, his energy stores will deplete and if continues eating as much as he is at the moment...we can't abort because the fetus is attached too close to the diaphragm. He will have symptoms much like that of a condition in the muggle world know as a hernia. He will be in constant pain from around twenty weeks and bed ridden by thirty."

"and the caesarean?"

"Poppy will perform it, of that there is no question but as to how it will go...Harry's never exactly been of an average height and weight but how he will cope with little to no stomach..."

"And the baby?"

"If the baby survives we shall have to raise it, far away from here. Somewhere safe away from the horrors of the war here."

The calming draught in his tea helping to diffuse the fear he felt.

* * *

One...two...three, pacing the floor one, two, three.

One...two...three...clock hands turn one...two...three.

He was in the room again. Video screens surrounding him showing images of what had been, what is and what is yet to come.

_Nobody is even trying my pet. They don't even realise you've gone._

Hermione reading from a large dusty tome, Ron following her like a puppy. The disappointed blue eyed gaze of his mentor. His adoptive mother cooking and cleaning in the dark and murky kitchen, the feast she provides lies barely touched on the library desk. Voldemort in control of his body like a muggle robot. No care for either his body or the life glowing and growing inside him. The magic swirling around them both keeping them alive while Harry watches helpless to make his friends realise, he wasn't himself and they would pay for his weakness.

_Ssh now pet, soon they will pay for their blindness and you can sleep forever as your son grows as my heir and we rule the world._

_Soon my pet you won't need to worry about the lack of care for you. They only care for your body, they needn't worry, your body is safe with me. Your baby is safe with me._

"Your baby is safe with you..."

* * *

One...two...three, books on a shelf, books on the floor, one...two...three

Hermione searched amongst the books lying across the shelves of the Black family library. Dusty volumes surrounding magic, the dark arts and healing. She went deeper inside the air was thick and heavy with damp. She was searching for the books Harry was reading at all hours of the day and night. He hadn't spoken to her in days, to anyone in days preferring the company of the written word. But the books here were covered in dust an inch thick, so much dust that not even Mrs Weasley had dared to clean. About to turn back a shelf stuck out amongst the others, yes it was dusty but the dust looked different, cleaner if possible. The gold writing etched on the spines of the books on this shelf spoke of healing magic, but for one book. The build of it was thin, barely noticeable. Hermione picked it out and wiped off the thin layer of dust that had settled atop the title.

_Healing sorcery and Male pregnancy_

"Well that would explain it but what am I missing..." She replaced the book and continued to search along the row.

* * *

"Hey Harry, how are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm fine thank you."

"You haven't touched you lunch?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat, for both you and the..."

"Don't you understand I said I'm fine! Please just leave me alone!" Harry snapped at the woman he considered as good as a mother to him. He never registered her hurt face or the tear stricken eyes as he stormed out the room to go upstairs to what was quickly becoming known as Harry's tower. A tray of uneaten soup and juice lay cold on the table next to the uneaten breakfast to match the uneaten dinner tray Molly held. She placed it down and moved to the pile of books left deserted on the floor.

_Magical pregnancies and promoting the best environment for your baby_

'Hmm nothing strange, why the secrecy?' Molly picked up the three food trays and left to join the rest of the clan in the basement kitchen.

"Three days! It's been three days since he's even touched one of my meals, and with the little one on the way. He's shown no sign of fatigue so how is he doing it? Are any of you bringing him meals?"

"No, Mrs Weasley. What about Kreacher?"

"Kreacher? Hermione Kreacher has been dead for little over a year, and no other house elves have been allowed admittance after the disappearance of a few of our Order members. Albus placed some wards around all safe houses along with Bill so that the only living things that could gain entry are the ones that are keyed into the wards."

"Oh, how...how did he die?"

Molly studied her non-biological daughter carefully before replying. "He was killed when he tried to escape and pass information to one of you-know-who's supporters. Killing him was the only way to ensure that we remained in some semblance of safety here."

"A lot has changed..."

"And a lot of it hasn't. The three of you are home now and although none of you are the same as when you had left parts of you remain. Namely your innate curiosity to learn as much as you can, Rons ability to somehow eat me out of house and home and Harrys skill in getting into trouble even when he is half out of his mind and comatose. Hermione...none of you have really said what happened to you there?"

"Mrs Weasley please,"

"Molly dear you're as good as one of my own and though you shant call me mother I'm sure we can do without the formality of Mrs all the time don't you?"

"Molly," She started again eyes downcast watching herself wring her hands in her lap. "Please don't ask me that. I'm not ready to tell...I just...I have to focus on Harry right now. It's just what we do. Harry gets into trouble and we help him out of it. Besides if we don't who will?"

"We all will!"

"But it's not the same. Harrys never been one to trust authoritive figures, the Durselys have to take a lot of the blame for that. But he trusts us, and I know that he will ask us for help. He just needs time to accept it. He's starting to accept it; he's been reading about pregnancy in the library upstairs."

"Yes I saw some of the books he's been reading."

"He'll come to us, I know he will."

One...two...three...hands on a clock face one...two...three

One...two...three...Hands turning clockwise one...two...three...

One...two...three...Hands on home safe one...two...

A/N: Meep sorry for the long break but I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. I have now completed my midwifery degree (I'm graduating on Wednesday so wish me luck!) so I am trying to write more. I've made this fic my number one priority for completion purely because it won't leave me alone and keeps poking me in the head telling me to write it. The amount of notes I have for this fic scattered around the place is purely unbelievable...either ways thank you for reading up till now if you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to let me know via review or private message I don't really mind. Thank you! xxx


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